Why accept NO for an answer?
Many of my single friends, all beautiful, intelligent and successful women, are entering their forties and starting to contemplate having babies on their own. A number of them haven’t had kids yet, not because they made a conscious choice not to have them, but because they are still single, or they are with a partner who doesn’t want to have kids.
In our twenties we do our best not to get pregnant, in our thirties we start maturing – but these days many of us are still enjoying careers, travel and friends at this age, and so what if we miss our chance in our thirties to have a child? We could also marry the wrong partner or fall sick or not get pregnant for a variety of reasons? These days we women devote ourselves to work and all these other things and one day find ourselves in our forties already.
The fact we live longer lives means we have more time to devote our younger life to different pursuits so it makes sense to have a baby when we are older and to have done the other things we want to do. As their biological chance of having a baby is coming to an end many of my friends wonder if they should dare to have a child on their own, or simply embrace not having any.
For my own situation, I thought I always wanted a child, but when it didn’t happen I had to question if I wanted it enough to have one on my own. I wondered if I only wanted a child because of social norms. But the issue, in the end, was more about not having a partner to share that responsibility with. When my marriage did not give me the child I always hoped for I was lost and devastated about it. I didn’t feel right having a sperm donor, I really love my father and couldn’t imagine having a child without them growing up with a father. My solution was that I ended up having IVF with a friend. For me personally, it’s been a rewarding journey and now I can’t imagine ever being without my baby. I can say honestly though the sacrifice, time you give to your child and the expense is life-changing and won’t be for everyone.
If you can determine that you really want a baby, there are many options, and many ways to create a family. Don’t take no for an answer. Please keep posted for my interview with Vivienne Bannigan, founder of Granuaile Services. She helps women navigate their own authentic path and makes note that in society too often we follow our head and not our heart. So when making big decisions such as whether to have a baby, the choice should come from the heart she advises and helps women empower themselves to look at how a pregnancy later in life might work for them. Read my blog on my journey to IVF here.